Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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