i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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