he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
