She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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