i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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