it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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