I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
