Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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