A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
