I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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