i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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