You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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