I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
