tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
