I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
