I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
