Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my shit smells like andre
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
