is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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