he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize