Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
