onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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