I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
