She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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