Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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