ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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