You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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