And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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