im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
