My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
