Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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