So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
