brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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