The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
