if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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