i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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