One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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