you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
