dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
