As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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