take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
