He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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