I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
