he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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