update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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