I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's like heaven, but drunker
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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