I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
