What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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