so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
