Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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