I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
