Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
