how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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