i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
