You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
