my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
