After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
