Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
