She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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