Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need a beard to bite.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
