I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
