I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
