I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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