The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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