Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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