Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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