Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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