I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
