how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
