I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my vagina is haunted
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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