Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
