conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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