You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
