i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
