I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
