She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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