This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
