Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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