she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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