you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
