I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The power of my boobs compel you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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