I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
